Show of Support…

Do you ever struggle with the right words– or actions– for a friend who is in the midst of tough situation?  I know I do…

This year I’ve had three close friends lose their father’s to cancer…and I found myself striving to be the very best friend possible to them as they faced (and continue to face) their grief head on.  But all too often I’m at a loss as to what exactly I should do to show my support & sympathy.

Here are some ideas from Hallmark:

In the weeks following a loss, sights, sounds and special days may trigger feelings of grief. You can acknowledge that grief in meaningful ways that show you remember…and you care.

1. Make a donation in honor of the loved one.
Sometimes, the family designates a special charity for donations that pay tribute to the special interests of their loved one. Other times, you can simply choose a cause you feel the deceased would have loved. The notice for this gift usually comes to the family after the flowers have wilted and the sympathy cards have stopped arriving. It’s deeply meaningful to know that the life of a loved one inspires charitable giving and continues to help others.

Depending on the situation, you might also make a contribution in honor of the person or people left behind.

2. Offer support with communications.
There are so many little things you can do to make a difference in a grieving person’s world. Just think of all the chores and tasks you need to do to get through a day and look for places you can be of help. Here’s a beginning list – you’ll probably think of more as you go.

• Mail stamps, notepaper and note cards – they’ll be writing many thank-you notes, and having the supplies right there will really help. Having a friend right there can help even more. Something as simple as addressing and stuffing the envelopes can be a tremendous help. Also offer to mail them as they’re completed.
• Help with phone calls. They may have friends and out-of-town family members wanting to know how they’re doing. Offer to reach out and share information.

3. Offer organizational support.
Offer to consolidate important papers and phone numbers. Monthly bills keep coming no matter how life changes – offer to help organize, write checks, go to the post office, etc. It’s difficult to think clearly during a time of grief. Volunteer to make calls to support them on legal and insurance issues related to the death of their loved one.

4. Offer household support.
What is an easy household chore for you can be an insurmountable obstacle for your grieving friend. Here are some ways you can make molehills out of those mountains.

• Feed them. Volunteer to drop a meal by their house. Or mail them coupons for fast food or restaurants that deliver.
• Pick up and deliver. Pick up dry cleaning or groceries. See what kinds of errands they need to run – and run with them (or for them). Take their car and get it washed or serviced.
• Help around the house. Do they need the kitchen floor mopped, the trash collected and carried out, the beds stripped and remade? Take a friend or two and see how you can help make their home more comfortable and clean.
• Pamper the pets. How can you help? Does a dog need to be taken for grooming? Or walked or played with? Clean out the hamster cage, or buy a new catnip toy.

5. Check in weekly.
Imagine taking ten minutes out of your week to give another person a sense of connection and caring. They’re coming into the “pure lonely” stretch – after the funeral, a lot of the initial support can tend to taper off. This is a great time to offer someone extra love and support on a weekly basis. Here are some ways you can do this:

• Greeting cards, notes and letters give them something to actually hold – and to reread when they need comfort. The act of taking time to put your thoughts into writing can be a powerful and meaningful gift to the grieving.
• Phone calls or voice messages let them hear the comforting voice of someone who cares.
• E-mail and e-cards are quick ways to stay in touch and let them know your thoughts are with them.
• If you live close by, you can drop by an occasional surprise or treat—just leaving a little something in the mailbox or at their front door.

6. Invite her out for coffee.
This is a time to treat your friend like royalty. Pick her up at her home. Select a quiet place where you’re not likely to run into other people you know. Once you get there, you place the order and talk to any necessary wait staff. Then it’s time to just listen. Let her really tell you what it’s like for her right now. Don’t talk about yourself, unless your friend specifically asks. Before you leave, find out if she wants to take anything home, either for herself for later, or for other family members. Buy any to-go goodies and take her back home. It may be just a simple cup of coffee for you, but it’s an event for her.

Offering support in the weeks that follow loss will be remembered as a meaningful, caring way to show them that their loved one will not be forgotten.

…Do you have any other ideas/tips to offer up?

Have you ever been the recipient of support that has meant a lot to you?

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Those Two Difficult Words…

“…I’m Sorry.”

Why is it those two, little words are not only hard to say…but also sometimes hard to accept?

This past weekend I was hoping to receive an apology from someone…

but it never came.

Hence my mind has been thinking a lot about apologies and forgiveness.  I’ve been thinking back on the times I’ve needed to apologize.  Was I sincere enough?  What are the best ways to apologize to someone?

What do you think about these steps to an effective apology from Pick The Brain:

1. Make it genuine – Anyone can spot a false apology and it will do more harm than good. A genuine apology is aimed solely at taking responsibility and overcoming a disturbance. There are no hidden obligations or expectations attached.
2. Don’t justify your actions – If you are busy explaining why you did what you did, it will start to sound like you aren’t apologizing at all, that you aren’t ready to take responsibility. A brief explanation may help understanding, while a justification may just fuel the disturbance.
3. Make a commitment to change – If you can’t confirm that you mean to improve, then you aren’t committed to an apology. If you aren’t committed to changing your habit of getting home late, don’t say “Sorry I am home late”. This will be a hollow and ineffective apology. You are better off thanking the other person, “Thanks for putting up with me coming home so late. I appreciate it” and taking it from there.
4. Phrased you apology carefully – Make sure the other person knows why you are apologizing. “I was passing by so I thought I’d drop in and say sorry” is a lot different to “I wanted to come and apologize because I really do care about this relationship”. Don’t fake it. If you have a good reason to keep the relationship alive the other person will want to hear it.
5. Be prepared for an awkward conclusion – While sometimes an apology is followed straight away by a counter apology and peace and flowers and little birds carrying banners of love through the air, not everyone reacts this way. Some people will behave indifferently, some will behave coldly, and some will react in a downright hostile way. This is out of your control. You have made the step to apologize. Doing it in a productive way is the best you can do. Maybe the other person will appreciate it now, later, or never. No matter what, you have done your bit and you can relax. The rest is up to them.

And what if you accompanied your apology with one of these actions…

1.    Hug. It’s hard to stay mad when you hug someone. Physical touch can bridge the widest of emotional distances.

2.    Write or find a poem showing how you feel about the other person outside of this situation. Keep it simple.

3.    Give the person a list of the top 5 reasons they are important to you.

4.    Create a collage of 10 photos of amazing places you’ve been together or fun experiences you’ve shared.

5.    Make a donation to the other person’s favorite charity.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

– Robert Muller

Forgiving can be really difficult…especially when you never received an actual apology.

Here are some ideas to help forgive someone (even when it’s difficult) from the readers at Tiny Buddha…

1. I remember them as a child and it’s much easier! -Joy Thompson
2. I remind myself that I forgive not for them but for me and that it’s easier to forgive than to hang on to so much anger, hurt and betrayal. -Sarah Clark
3. I just acknowledge that we are humans, so we are allowed to make mistakes. -Haydee Lizbeth Lopez Cruz
4. Remind yourself that they are not separate from you; they only appear that way. Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving. -Justin Hayden
5. Do not keep thinking of the past or the bad thing that happened; when you let go of it, you get over the anger/bitterness that you felt and it clears the path of forgiveness! The best thing is time! -Ashna Singh
6. Remember that we are all doing the best we can at the time. -Diane Paul
7. Remind yourself of how much forgiveness would mean to you if it was your turn for a mistake! – Carol Mcbride-Safford
8. Wayne Dwyer describes how hate is love which has been turned around. Seeing the expression of what can’t be forgiven as love makes it easier to forgive. Were also all doing the best we can, according to our own evolutionary state, including those we find hard to forgive. – Lise Heeley
9. Because it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to stay angry and hold a grudge. It brings peace to your life. -Linda Adams
10. I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Don’t do it for them, do it for you! -Cathryn Kent
11. You remember why you love them. Love is about forgiveness.- Holly Chapman
12. Forgiveness comes easier with the passing of time. I tend to find that, if I am wronged, I forgive the person before they forgive themselves, and when I am in need of forgiveness, it is I who feels the guilt for longer. -Mandy Richardson
13. Stop thinking and just do it. Open your heart and forgive. -Lindsey Windrow
14. Don’t force it. If I don’t feel forgiving, I can at least not act on my anger. Eventually forgiveness will come if you welcome it. -Julie Trottier
15. Just learn to smile and let things go. -Sudharma Lama
16. Give up on all hope of a better past. -Matt Child
17. Every time you think of them send them love. After a while it gets easy. -Crystal Chang
18. Meditate, meditate and meditate some more until it’s gone! -Margot Knight-Guijt
19. The harder it is to forgive someone else, the more I am responsible. When I understand and forgive myself, forgiving others is easy. -Pamela Picard
20. Two different approaches. One involves restoring your boundaries and sense of protection first. The other involves focusing on what your body is feeling and stop dwelling on the offense. Both involve being present. -Chris Campa
21. Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. -Kim Kings
22. Shift the focus, feel the pain and think of the thousands of others in the world who are also feeling the same pain, then send a loving-kindness message to everyone to be relieved of this suffering. -Nick Ong
23. When it happens I often ask myself “What strengths must I develop further from this?” Often the feeling of resentment just goes away, slowly but surely, because I wasn’t focusing on the person that wronged me, but the lesson that the event was trying to tell me. -Natassia Callista Alicia
24. I allow myself to feel again whatever I didn’t express “in the moment” when I was with them. Forgiveness always seem to follow those (usually) difficult emotions. -Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt
25. Write a brutally honest, emotionally raw letter telling them how much they have hurt and angered you, then tear it up and burn it. As you watch the smoke rise, think about the fact that you are not that hurt and that anger. It is fleeting, just like everything else. As the smoke carrying your hurt and disappointment disappears into the air, you can let it go. -Renate Wuersig
26. For some wrongs, I just have to remember that they are responsible for their actions and then it is easier for me to just let it be. -Karen Garland
27. By remembering that it will free me from the burden of the stress I feel, also, if I can’t forgive then how can I expect to ever be forgiven? -Leslie Brown
28. Just look to the future instead of focusing on what’s past…think of creating new good memories to wipe away old bad ones. -Elizabeth Lindsay
29. It becomes easy when you remember a time when you were forgiven, centering on how it made you feel. -Louisya Graves
30. Understand this: whether you like it or not, over time, you will stop feeling the pain, so why hold on to something that’s going to away anyway? -Nirav KAKU

What do you think?  Do you have any thoughts on forgiveness?

I’m trying hard to breathe out forgiveness…

“The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good.”

– Catherine Ponder

…Do you need to apologize to someone?  Or forgive someone?  Why wait another day to do so?

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Goal Four: $ave Money

This is going to be the hardest, but also most necessary goal of 2012 for me…$ave Money!!!!  In the last couple of years I’ve done a bit of an overhaul on my personal finances.  Things are much better in that department…with the exception of my savings!  It still continues to get depleted rather than grow.

I need to fix this problem because I’d love to move into my own place by next fall…with no roommates to help lighten the cost of living!  And so I need a cushion…a nice, big, fluffy savings cushion to help as I adjust to living by myself.

Here are 18 Ways to Save (at Least) $1 a Day from SavvySugar:

1. Hold the milk. In your coffee, that is. If you regularly stop at the coffee shop on your way to work, order it black to avoid any extra costs.
2. Go generic. At the grocery store, pick the generic variety of different foods to save big on pantry staples.
3. Keep the change. Sure, sometimes it’s annoying to have change littering your purse or jangling in your pocket, but you’d be surprised by how quickly those nickels add up.
4. Swap soda for water. If you can’t give it up altogether, vow to sip water instead of soda during at least one meal each day.
5. Trade CDs with a friend. Hoping to add the latest Rihanna song to your workout playlist? Reach out to a friend and burn CDs for each other to gather new music for free.
6. Fuel up for less. Unless it’s required for your specific car model, nix the premium gas habit and use gasbuddy.com to find the cheapest gas in the area.
7. Find free WiFi. Work in cafés or libraries with free WiFi. Not sure which spots offer Internet? Use the Free Wi-Fi app to scope out local places with wireless access.
8. Practice your sewing skills. Skip a trip to the tailor and learn to do the simple adjustments yourself, like shortening a hem or taking in a blouse.
9. Video chat to save minutes. Rather than spending an hour on your cell phone, use free services like Skype or Google Chat to catch up with your friends.
10. Choose free apps. Are the premium features really that great? If not, pick the free version of your favorite smartphone apps to avoid unnecessary costs. Check out Free App a Day for daily app offers to help you save.
11. Use a rewards card. Get major price cuts at the grocery store by using a rewards card. Even better? Look online before shopping to see if there are any coupons available for your must-have items.
12. Check out free ebooks. Search Amazon for free titles to save big on your reading habit. You’ll be able to explore new authors and genres without spending a dime.
13. Pick takeout over delivery. Too busy — or, OK, lazy — to cook? Dodge extra delivery fees and tip dollars by ordering takeout instead.
14. Turn off lights. Leaving multiple lights on throughout the day can cost you, so lower your electricity bill by making sure to turn off every light before you head to work.
15. Skip the condiment extras. Sandwich add-ons like avocado and cheese quickly add up. If you need more flavor, ask your server to pile on a little more of the free stuff.
16. Choose app over print. Save on your New York Times subscription by switching to digital access. For $3.75 a week, you’ll have unlimited access to the publication’s website as well as their smartphone app.
17. Use a thermostat. Automatically adjust the temperature of your home by using a thermostat. To save energy, remember to leave it on rather than turning it on and off when you start to feel hot or cold.
18. Dry your clothes on a rack. Instead of putting a dollar into the dryer — and possibly another dollar if your items are still damp — hang your clothes on a drying rack.

What do you think…are these good tips?  Do you have any ideas for how to make saving money easier?  I find SavvySugar continually has good money & personal finance tips as well as these two sites:

• Daily Worth
• LearnVest

Sometimes just by browsing these sites and keeping money on my mind, I tend to avoid mindless spending.  This doesn’t always work though…since I stopped at Starbucks to get a coffee this morning, I’d say I’m already off to a rocky start!  But I’m determined to keep saving and achieve this goal!!  Here is some inspiration to keep striving…

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Goal One: Become a Morning Person

Wakey, Wakey…Rise and Shine!  It’s more like hit snooze and crawl back under the covers in my case!  I’ve never been a morning person…but after college I managed to get myself into a somewhat consistent routine which allowed my mornings to start without too much pain. 

But lately I’ve fallen back into my old habits of staying up way too late…which in turn makes my mornings rushed & miserable!  AKA…I’m late to work…a lot!  I’m lucky to have a job that doesn’t require me to punch in at a specific time, but I still hate being late!  I find tardiness rude and disrespectful, and would never want to give that impression to my boss, co-workers, friends or family!

So what can I do to change my bad sleep habits and turn my mornings into something I look forward to rather than dread?

Here are some tips from The Beauty Bean that I need to try out:

Have A Reason To Rise. This is the single most important element in being an early riser. So, before hitting the sheets, crystallize the reasons for getting up the next morning (and write them down if it helps!).

Make Your Mornings Count. If you are committed to waking up early for a reason, it is crucial to follow through. So, stick to the plan and be productive. In fact, some of your most productive work can be done in the early morning hours before the rest of the world is awake to distract and disrupt you.

Sleep Well. Your body is trying to tell you something if you constantly feel tired during the day. So, trade in that last hour spent Facebook stalking and get into bed. If that’s still not cutting it (heck, we all know that sleeping longer doesn’t necessarily translate to sleeping better), and you find you are still tired after 6-8 hours, chances are you’re not sleeping well. To ensure a well-rested night’s sleep, make sure you have a good mattress and pillow and give yourself time to unwind before bed.

**I need to stop drinking caffeine so late in the day…also may need to make going to bed a bit nicer with satin pillowcases, calming lavender lotion and chamomile tea! **

Banish SNOOZE. Everyone is tempted by that little voice telling us to hit “snooze.” But we’ve learned the hard way that this little voice rarely has anything good to say, so don’t indulge! Sleeping in for another 10 minutes is guaranteed to lead to another 10 minutes and then another… and we all know where this ends! So, the next time you hear that little voice, just say “No” and…

Jump Out Of Bed. Immediately subdue any temptation to stay in bed by jumping out of bed instantly. We know, it sounds ridiculous, but it really does work.

**May have to put my alarm clock far away from my bed…so that I have to literally have to jump and walk to turn it off! **

Set A Routine. Establishing a consistent routine is essential for becoming an early riser. Try to go to sleep and wake up at same time everyday (even on days you don’t have to) in order to train your body. Warning: the first few weeks are going to be tough, but it will eventually pay off!

Reward Yourself. Waking up early can be hard and, while having a purpose is a good start, it isn’t always enough. Come on, are you really going to get up early to work on a budget report? So, reward yourself! Your reward can be anything from reading blogs before work to having time to buy a cappuccino at your favorite café.

**A Reward: I’m thinking of sitting down to a real breakfast in the morning…rather than quickly downing a yogurt while putting on mascara! **

Note The Consequences. Remind yourself of the downsides of sleeping in. For us, losing that time in the morning can significantly impact our entire week. So remind yourself not only of the perks of being, well, perky in the morning – but also the downsides of sleeping in.

**Remind myself how much I despise being rushed and late! **

Are you a morning person?  Do you have any tips to help jumpstart your day?

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Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Earlier…

I already posted earlier today that this has been a challenging week for me…but today is a new day and I’m determined to change my attitude!  I started by browsing the uplifting site Positively Positive and found a little something worth passing along…

{50 Lessons I wish I Had Learned Earlier}

1. You’re stronger than you think you are.
2. Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.
3. There is nothing to hold you back except you.
4. You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s a matter of wanting it bad enough.
5. No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible.
6. You are limited only by your own imagination. Let it fly.
7. Perception is reality.
8. Your instincts can be trusted.
9. There is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”
10. It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.
11. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.
12. Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.
13. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
14. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
15. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
16. Laughter is the best medicine for stress. Laugh at yourself often.
17. If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
18. Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.
19. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, you’ll often find that you’re right.
20. Be nice to yourself.
21. For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think. Follow your own truth.
22. No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
23. Making one person smile can change the world.
24. Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!
25. You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
26. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
27. You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
28. Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. It doesn’t always solve your problems either.
29. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
30. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
31. You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.
32. Give up worrying about what others think of you.
33. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
34. You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.
35. As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”
36. Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.
37. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.
38. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.
39. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long. Right now is life. Live it.
40. No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say. Just say what you need to say.
41. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.
42. If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
43. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
44. What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.
45. Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.
46. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.
47. If it were easy everyone would do it.
48. Be vulnerable.
49. A problem is a chance for you to learn.
50. Regardless of the situation, life goes on.

What do you think?  I find all 50 to be good reminders even when you’re not having a tough day…but especially if you are in the midst of difficult one!

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Beauty Resolutions…

I got myself a nice little tan in Cozumel…but now that I’m back home, Minnesota’s dry winter air is wreaking havoc on my skin.   I tend to have pretty problematic skin and I’ve found that consistency tends to be key in keeping my face blemish-free (for the most part).

In the spirit of New Year’s here are some Beauty Resolutions for 2012:

I vow to:

• Find my signature scent.
• Exfoliate my face and body at least once a week.
• Wear SPF 30 every single day. And I will not forget to cover my ears, neck, décolleté and hands.
• Not pick at any pimples I should (hopefully not) get.
• Always wash off my makeup before bed.
• Find the perfect red lipstick because it will give me an extra dose of sassiness.
• Learn to apply my daytime makeup routine in 10 minutes or less.
• Throw out all of my expired makeup. If I can’t remember when I bought it, it’s too old.
• Clean my makeup brushes every week.
• Experiment with styles (in the privacy of your bathroom) that I never thought I could pull off.
• Stop over plucking my eyebrows.
• Sleep on a satin pillowcase to protect my hair.
• Not abuse my flat iron, curling iron, blow dryer or any other hot tool.
• Love my natural hair texture.
• Stop nibbling on my nails.
• Sleep 6-8 hours a night.
• Drink lots of water for a healthy body.
• Take a multivitamin every day.
• Have better posture.
• Smile.
• Tell myself that I am beautiful every. single. day.

…Do you have any tried & true methods for keeping your skin looking & feeling fresh?

 

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